Webninja.org

The definition of one’s self.

It’s funny, I look at my existance 5 years ago and feel I’ve made a much larger imprint on the world. Back then I was just starting to DJ. Nobody in Duluth had heard me DJ. I’ve spun for thousands of people at the clubs, probably more through the radio station. My radio show had an incredible market share and I have tons of letters from listeners still. I guess I was doing something right. DJing was the first thing I did to “break out of my shell”.

For those of you that don’t know, I grew up a computer geek. From the age of 13 when I received my first computer I was fascinated. I have alot of good memories from those days. Brandon, Chris Xu, and myself skipping our PSEO classes and getting the dollar special at Hardees or going to someone’s house and hanging out there. The time we spent programming and learning off of each other. When I graduated I decided I needed to leave a bigger mark. Ignorant happiness tends to only go so far I guess.

I mean come on, I was single for the first 19 years of my life. My friends and parents probably though I was gay. I decided to do something about it. I suggested to one of my uncles one night I wanted to start club djing and he told me “I’m sorry Justin, you’re not socially cool enough to dj at a night club.” I guess I proved him wrong. That was the start of my odyssey to redefine myself. I worked to be the best dj in the area and if I wasn’t the best overall dj in Duluth, I was pretty damn close.

A few years after djing I picked up the car habit. It still hasn’t grown old, in fact my car is one of the few places I can feel free. I mean come on, what girl can’t resist a guy with a cool car and a dj job? My ex-girlfriend and I broke up last year in January. I’d be lying if I didn’t say I felt relieved to be single again. We had some great times together and I honestly miss the first feeling of being together. I had lots of free time when we split and started working on my car more. I went from a slightly modded car last year to something that is actually pretty crazy. I don’t regret it at all. Friends can be flakey, but my car is always there. True it might not be running the best right now, but I’ll fix it and once again be able to be one with the road. Feel free to laugh at me saying one with the road.

Last winter, I started another thing to occupy my time with snowboarding. I live so far north and have always hated the winter. I can’t drive my car like I want to and it’s cold everywhere you go. Talk about not fun. So to try to keep me doing stuff in the Winter, I took up snowboarding. I’ve already posted in the past about how I feel about snowboarding. Let’s just say its as sacred to me now as cruising in my car.

So I’ve moved up in the world. I’ve done most of the things I’ve set out to accomplish at this age yet I’m still missing something. It seems as though no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get it right either. A good friend of mine told me the other day something that I passed off at first but now take it as a complement. He told me “I just hope when my daughter gets older she’s with someone like you. You’re respectable, responsible, and smart”. As cliche as the statement is, I do believe nice guys finish last. It’s like being too nice just screws you over in the end. When you think you have something, you get kicked down further. I could continue to rant and rave about this but I think most people I know have heard this plenty of times already. Oh well I guess, I’ll get it right eventually.

Anyways, this post was about self definition. How one does things to present himself/herself. I guess I’m at a point where I need to redefine myself a little bit once again. Do I go back to the computer geek? Do I find another dj job? What about throwing more money at my car? Hell, I’d rather go for option 4 but that isn’t happening any time soon apparently.